When people say they'll be there for you, but aren't

Have you ever trusted someone to be there when you need them, only to see them bolt when things really start to fall apart?

Maybe you needed advice during your tumultous divorce, a place to stay after the passing of your spouse, or a few bucks after being laid off that you promised to pay back.

Yep, we've all been there.

It's plain to see why this can be so hurtful. Not only did they leave you in the lurch, but they clearly demonstrated their actions didn't mirror their words.

Essentially, they lied, and maybe you can't imagine ever trusting them again -- and rightly so.

But we can't give these people the satisfaction of seeing us all bent out of shape, as it will convey that they have us emotionally wrapped around their finger.

We ought to remind ourselves that for every person who betrays us, there's one out there who will stand behind us no matter what life throws our way -- whether it be a close friend, reliable neighbor, or caring cousin.

The remedy for a letdown of this kind isn't to harp on the situation and rationalize why the person behaved as they did. This will only amplify the despondency we're already experiencing.

It's to spend time with people who will help you forget all about the person and what they did, if temporarily. Sometimes that person is you. Or, sometimes getting lost in your hobbies, work, or passions will do the trick.

Even if you decide to give the person another chance (e.g., you've known them since preschool, they were the best man at your wedding, and you can't possibly imagine cutting ties), you're less likely to be bothered by what they did after finding solace in the company of others.

But be forewarned: If someone has let you down once, even after apologizing they may do it again. If their letting you down is too much to stomach, there's always the option to put the kibosh on the relationship.

It's best not to put all your eggs in a single basket when you're in a tight spot.

That doesn't mean you have to go out and make 20 new friends. Even with a small circle of 5 close friends, relatives, and acquaintances, you're good to go.

People WILL let you down in life -- that's a given.

But what we do in response makes all the difference.

Comments

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