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This is the ultimate test of a friendship

Do you sense that you and a close friend have been drifting apart?

Maybe you only connect via text or FaceTime on birthdays and other special occasions whereas before your spouses had to beg each of you to get off the phone every day.

Or, perhaps you met up for lunch once a week and now you're lucky if you can convene once a year.

Take heart: It happens in many a friendship.

What truly puts friendships to the test is when both people find themselves in different stages of life.

 Or, they can be in the same stage of life and just be too preoccupied to attend to one another like they did in the heyday of the friendship.

 This can include one or both individuals:

  • Getting a new (and more demanding) job. 
  • Moving to a different city. 
  • Making new friends. 
  • Hooking up with/marrying someone.
  • Having children.
  • Taking up new hobbies and interests.
As people get older, their priorities do change, which leaves less time for friendships.

But in the strongest friendships -- the ones built to last -- both people can navigate those changes together, even if they don't touch base as often as they wish.

It takes an investment of time, energy, and will on the part of each friend to make it work. If only one person is contributing, the other is sure to tire at some point, seriously straining their bond.

And, sadly, when friends lean on longevity alone to carry the relationship, they learn the hard way that it isn't nearly enough. 

Friends can work to avoid this fate by:
  • Taking turns calling, texting, and visiting one another.
  • Remaining flexible as far as when and where they meet (e.g., at a mall rather than a bar because they have the wife and kids in tow)
  • Being understanding of the other's reasons for not getting back to them immediately (e.g., stressful job, health issues)
Let's not, however, conflate legitimate reasons with silly excuses. 

You can only blame the weather, the poor phone reception, and the sick puppy so many times before you start to look disingenuous. 

If you do start to feel as though your friend isn't doing their part, it calls for a frank conversation that may either cause you both to drift farther apart or come closer together.

If the former happens, that's when you know the friendship may not have been as strong as you initially thought. 

Differing life stages aren't a death sentence for a friendship. They simply remind us that as time goes on, we need to put forth a little more effort into keeping strong the connections that brought you both together.
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Dr Sebi Jr said…
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May 17, 2020 at 2:02 AM
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