Why relying on people to be happy is dangerous

Have you ever depended on someone -- maybe a little too much -- to fill your day with happiness? I think most of us can concede that we've been there.

Whether we're talking about our closest friends, relatives, or our partner, there's no doubt that these individuals greatly enhance our lives.

But a distinction needs to be made between "enhancing" and "completing."

When someone serves as an enhancement, they add to an already enriching life. They're icing on the cake, if you will.

However, when we lean on the individual in order to feel complete, it suggests something was missing to begin with and we're looking to them to fill the void.

This is problematic in more ways than one.

Ask yourself these point-blank questions:

1. What if they were to betray you?

2. What if they were to move and forget about you?

3. What if they were to cheat?

4. What if they were to lose interest in the relationship entirely?

5. What if they were to pass away?

I'm not trying to be cynical here; I'm just being realistic. People come into and exit our lives for any number of reasons. While we can't help but become emotionally attached, making someone the center of your world is putting immense pressure on them. It isn't fair to them or to yourself.

As I've stressed in so many posts -- and this is probably the point I've driven home more than any other -- happiness stems from only one place: inside of you!

Happiness is an amalgamation of myriad factors, and our relationships are just one of them. Also factored into the equation are gratitude, hobbies, passions, pets, and our general outlook on life.

While it's nice to get likes and smiling emojis in response to your posts, the most important thing is how that content makes you feel.

Do things because they make you feel proud, enriched, and accomplished, whether it's eating at a nice restaurant, purchasing a new car, vacationing in the Caribbean, or donating to a local charity. Someone else's stamp of approval is nice, but your satisfaction should never be contigent upon it.

If you depend on pats on the back from others to feel satisfied with your life, you're setting yourself up for utter disillusionment. If you expect for people to act or think as you would, you may very well end up miserable. Before you know it, your self-esteem has hit rock bottom and feelings of depression loom on the horizon.

Again, there's nothing wrong with being lauded by others for our accomplishments.

But such praise should be regarded as secondary to how we feel about them ourselves. Because if we're not content with and within ourselves, other people are not going to change that.

Seek nobody's approval but your own. At the end of the day, others can sympathize with you, cheer you on, provide valuable advice, and so forth. But they can't step in your very shoes. You can't bank on them always being there for you, or never leaving/changing.

In sum, you're your single biggest ally in the battlefield of life. So believe in and love yourself! Look deep within and you'll find the sense of fulfillment you crave.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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