Does caring less make others more attractive?

It's a question asked of me quite often.

In the rough-and-tumble that is the dating world, do you stand out if you actually care less?

Well, that depends on the people we're dealing with.

Take a blonde bombshell who gets asked out all the time, with guys buying her flowers and candy left and right.

Then, out of nowhere comes an attractive guy who isn't swooning over her. Though friendly, he treats her as he would any other woman he meets.

She doesn't know for sure whether he's interested in her -- something she, quite frankly, is unaccustomed to -- and that piques her interest.

The guy is effectively posing a challenge, and she's compelled to unearth why he doesn't allow himself to be made putty in her hands like all the other chumps do.

That being said, giving off a more non-chalant vibe might work when the target is very attractive and has no shortage of options to choose from.

Some people perceive those who give them the cold shoulder to be confident in themselves, needing no one's validation -- and that's sexy in their eyes.

But it might not work either.

Maybe they're not interested in a relationship right now, they don't find your attractive, or your standoffish behavior rubs them the wrong way.

As for people who are more average-looking and not exactly beating potential partners off with a stick, the approach may backfire completely.

Many men and women out there take relationships seriously. They've been burned in the past by an ex, or they themselves toyed with someone's emotions and learned their lesson. Now they're looking for the real deal.

At the same time, you don't want to appear overly interested in the beginning so as to seem desperate.

For example, it's probably not a sound idea to broach the topic of marriage and kids on the first couple of dates, or to pester the other person with calls and compliments.

Why not aim for something in the middle?

You can express interest while being a bit of a challenge. You can be kind and romantic, but also funny and mysterious at the same time.

But the dynamics evolve once things become more serious. Making a conscious effort to keep a partner guessing just doesn't work in the same way once two people know each other as well -- flaws included.

When taken too far, projected indifference has the potential to unravel a relationship.

In conclusion, if you prioritize looks in a partner and won't settle for anything less than a model or athlete, a little aloofness may score you some points.

But if you value inner beauty more than physical appearance (which isn't to say the person can't be physically attractive), you're probably better off not going to such lengths.

Then again, you just never know. The shy, meek girl at the gym may be the one who has a thing for buff biker guys.

Attraction isn't easy to grasp, and we -- no matter our personalities, traits, and quirks-- can't help but feel drawn toward certain people.

In the grand scheme of things, indifference shouldn't be a likeable trait -- but some people are helplessly drawn to the role of pursuer.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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