Why people are obsessed with finding love

My readers often ask me why so many people out there are frenetically searching for love.

Perhaps you have a friend, relative, or co-worker who appears preoccupied with finding "the one."

My pointed response is that the media -- and that includes social media -- plays an integral role.

From dating apps like Tinder and Facebook posts about people professing their love for their partner to stories in the news centering on blissful marriages and a seemingly endless stream of songs about break-ups, society promulgates the following message:

Being with someone is a good thing. Being single is not. If you don't have anyone in your life, it just isn't whole. Something is missing, and you'll only be able to be happy and fill the void once you pair up.

This, of course, is silly.

I have a slew of readers who count themselves among the happily single.

They don't feel empty or broken because they don't have a partner.

On the contrary: Many are relieved that (1) they don't need another person's input when making big decisions (2) that they don't have to share their belongings (3) that they can indulge their hobbies freely, and (4) that they don't have to grapple with drama, break-ups, and all that other relationship jazz.

Granted, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship. Having a partner has its fair share of perks -- the most obvious being that you share a tight bond with someone on (ideally) an emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual level.

It's just a real shame that many people feel worthless when they go a long time without hooking up with someone. It does a number on their self-worth, especially when it comes to special occasions like Valentine's Day.

My advice to these folks? Keep your head up.

The first thing to keep in mind is that a partner doesn't complete you. Yes, they can make a wonderful enhancement to your life, but only if you already feel whole without a companion.

If you don't, having someone in your life may heighten feelings of loneliness you may already be experiencing.

A partner shouldn't be expected to make us happy everytime we're down. They shouldn't be counted on to fix our every problem or cater to our every whim. They should not be relied upon to validate all our decisions, let alone think/act as we would in every situation.

Couples in healthy relationships still manage to lead independent lives. They foster different hobbies. They disagree (albeit tactfully) on issues. They find things that make them feel fulfilled outside their relationship, whether it be reading or nature. They're not attached at the hip.

Those who regard relationships as the be-all and end-all are probably not ready for one. Remember, expecting happiness to come from a source outside of oneself is only asking for disappointment.

Love will come into your life when least expected, so dont give up on it. In the meantime, go out there and make the most of your life by doing the things you love.

And never let anyone make you feel bad about being single. If that makes you happy, more power to you!

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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