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Don't let people get away with this...

Don't allow anyone -- not your friends, not your relatives, not your partner, and not your co-workers -- to put you down for mistakes you've made in the past.

Many people have a nasty habit of, in the heat of an argument, or as a result of having a bad day, bringing back to light past mistakes that you've apologized for, learned from, and pledged not to repeat.

They likely see it as ammunition they carry in their back pocket in the event they really want to make you feel like crap. They tell themselves that you should be appreciative of the fact they forgave you, even though, in their view, you didn't deserve it. It's as if you "owe" them.

If they really forgave you, they should not indulge themselves by giving you guilt trips whenever the mood strikes, even if you've done something more recently to ruffle their feathers.

Focusing their ire on the matter at hand is one thing; rehashing things you've put behind you is another entirely.

It is a form of manipulation intended to wear you down mentally and emotionally.

By revisiting these earlier foibles, the person immediately puts you on the defensive, engendering in you feelings of guilt and shame for things you may have done that you're not proud of.

It's a callous move, but a premeditated one a person may employ to gain the upper hand, especially when they feel the other person has wronged them.

Here's the thing: If this individual still holds a grudge over something you may have done and apologized for long ago, it conveys that (1) deep down they really didn't accept the apology, or (2) their trust in you was never restored, or (3) both.

If whatever you did hurt or annoyed them that much, they should have been upfront about it.

It gives them no right to conceal that festering resentment, act like everything is okay, and then dredge up your missteps when it's convenient for them.

They should not forget that no one is perfect, and chances are they have their fair share of mistakes you could invoke if you really wanted to.

But stooping to their level would serve no purpose; it would only escalate tension between the two of you.

Instead, if you find that he or she is unable to let it go, even after having countless conversations in which they insist they've gotten over it, you have two options.

Either you seek couple's counseling, or you walk away.

Remember, just because you've screwed up in the past (haven't we all?) doesn't give anyone license to use it as a tool with which to insult, intimidate, or abuse you.
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