How comparing ourselves to others is harmful

Many people I talk to (including some of my readers) have a tendency to compare their lives to those of the people around them.

I encourage them against slipping into such a mental trap, which may potentially lead to resentment and, if such feelings spiral out of control, depression down the road.

I advise them to stop for a moment and consider that the people they're comparing themselves to:

Have a completely different path in life
Have disparate goals, dreams, and personalities
May be facing battles they know nothing about
May not be happy, even if they may appear so on the surface

There's a difference between looking up to someone and wishing to emulate them (e.g. wanting to be accomplished like they arr because they've risen to the top of their profession), and lamenting the fact that your life isn't exactly like theirs.

Let's assume you're in a troublesome relationship. After a bitter argument with your wife, you walk out to the yard and spot the neighbors holding hands or hugging.

You can't help but notice they always seem to be engaging in public displays of affection, leading you to surmise they're likely the happiest couple you've ever known. This makes you crave a relationship like theirs more than ever before.

Here's a different example: Let's suppose you meet up with friends once a month. Each time you convene, Sarah seems to have something new to show off -- whether it's a car, pair of shoes, or piece of jewelry. You feel pangs of envy as you watch your buddies heap her with praise and compliments.

You are currently feeling the pinch after losing your job. In fact, you had to have a garage sale to make money and even had to resort to trading down your vehicle. You feel as though you would do anything to be Sarah's financial position.

There's no reason to desire someone else's life because everyone is a unique individual with a particular set of goals, dreams, and character traits that no one can replicate exactly.

Sure, we all go through tough moments in life that make us ask ourselves "Why me and not them?"

Whether it's a promotion or a date, sometimes things we want seem to elude us, making us impatient and frustrated.

But here's the thing: Our lives are what we make of them, and whatever someone else has that we perceive as lacking in our own lives should have no bearing on our happiness, or how we set out to achieve our goals.

Rather than envying them, you might consider asking them for tips. For example, they may shed light on the fact that networking has played a crucial role in their career success -- something you may not have thought about before.

See how easy it is to turn a situation fraught with negativity into a positive one?

One other thing to consider is that while the person you compare yourself to might seem to have the ideal life, it doesn't mean it would be the ideal life for you.

Maybe you don't want to be traveling for business 8 months out of the year. Perhaps being married isn't your cup of tea. Or, you're not someone who's ever taken an interest in flashy high-end merchandise.

When you think about it, their life might precisely be the kind you would never wish to have.

Indeed, there's always more than meets the eye.

And you never know if someday the person you see as happy and successful now will appeal to you for help or advice. Life has a funny way of turning the tables like that.

Rather than comparing yourself to others, focus on yourself. Compare yourself to the person you were six months ago, a year ago, or even five years ago. That is undoubtedly a better gauge of progress.

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How To Understand People

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