A way people can sabotage their relationship

When you enter into a new relationship, it can feel as though you're walking on air.

As you get to know each other, however, you may realize that you and your partner don't have as much in common as you originally thought.

For example, in the beginning, your girlfriend may have tagged along for baseball games given your avid following of the hometown team.

But a few months into the relationship, it becomes apparent that she can't be bothered to go to a game, let alone watch one at home with you.

When you ask what brought on the change, she admits she was never crazy about baseball to begin with. She just wanted to make a good impression on and spend time with you.

Now that she's comfy in the relationship, she doesn't have qualms about declining your invitations outright.

Similarly, your partner may have led you to believe that they share other interests you may have -- whether reading, exercising, dancing, science, history, or cooking -- only to later disclose that while they're open to partaking in such pursuits with you on occasion, it's not their cup of tea.

For some people, this is far too much to stomach.

They are adamant about their partner being as fervant a bibliophile, fitness junkie, or sports fanatic as they are. So when it becomes clear that they're not, they grow bored in the relationship and may decide to pull the cord.

While that may certainly be the best option, they should ask themselves this question before pulling the cord:

Do I really want my partner to share all my hobbies and interests?
Would we not be more likely to get bored of each other if we're drawn to the exact same things?

In my estimation, when two people have some disparate interests, it can ultimately enhance the relationship, giving each person new things to learn and talk about.

That goes for everything from having different friends ("You'll never guess what my buddy Bobby did today") to fancying different foods to watching different shows.

Remember, even though you're a couple, each person retains his or her unique identity.

Having separate interests helps add variety to the relationship in the sense that you can always teach each other new things.

For example, even though your partner may not have the slightest interest in learning how to play the guitar or basketball, she may appreciate seeing you in action.

As I've stressed in earlier posts, no one comes pre-packaged with every trait and interest we'd want in a partner.

But when two people genuinely want to make it work, they learn to covet their similarities while respecting their differences.

Of course, if they diverge on absolutely everything, the relationship is sure to falter.

It's important for both people to be open as to what their true interests and passions are from the get-go.

And expecting or trying to motivate the other person to be more like you usually ends up being a futile effort.

Don't be the person he or she wants you to be. Be your most genuine self so that the person falls in love with the real you -- differences in personality and interests included.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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