There's always going to be a trait, tendency, or quirk that gets under our skin and that we would probably do away with if given the choice.
Maybe they're a tad cheap. Perhaps they're a bit stuck-up. They could very well be messy, aloof, or prone to lying.
Hopefully, we are able to turn a blind eye to these perceived shortcomings. But for those things that aren't as easy to gloss over, it's up to us to decide what we're willing or not willing to tolerate.
The key question becomes:
At what point does something we perceive as a character flaw in another person become too much to handle?
Let's be fair, though. It isn't as if we're perfect either.
So if we decide to cut ties with someone because of, say, their substance abuse problems, yet we find ourselves battling alcoholism, that comes off as hypocritical.
That's why it's so important to practice what we preach when it comes to relationships.
If the person can't seem to rein in their spending, always coming to you to bail them out, you may decide to pull the plug on the relationship.
And how about cheating? It amazes me that some people find it in their hearts to forgive and take back their cheating partner, only to see them stray yet again!
As I've noted in prior posts, the strongest relationships involve people who accept each other for who they are.
I've stressed that people who don't value -- or who push us into changing -- the most authentic version of ourselves are not worth our time.
Still, if their actions are adversely affecting someone else (e.g., compulsive gambling, bullying, etc.), change is inevitable -- or else they risk seeing that person walk out of their life.
If the discontent stems from less serious matters that are more like annoyances (e.g., they're messy around the house), the person being blamed may say "once a slob, always a slob," effectively ending the relationship and setting out in search of someone similarly untidy.
Usually, it's a matter of desiring that they be more like us in some way. Maybe we wish they were as responsible with their money or as attentive to the kids as we are.
When they diverge too widely from us in some respect, it may cause us to question whether it's something we can put up with indefinitely.
You may remember reading posts in which I warn against expecting people to think and act like us.
If we're lucky, we make our case, the person understands our position, and they immediately start to work on improving themselves.
Unfortunately, though, our request may be met with resistance, ultimately putting the relationship in jeopardy.
If they refuse to take your feelings into account, you're better off without them.
We can't change people, but we can change how we respond to them.
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