Don't stay in a relationship if you're lonely

What's worse than being home by yourself while all your friends and family are out and about?

That's easy: A relationship in which your partner makes you feel lonely.

Think about it.

You're with someone whom you turn to for affection, attention, and advice. But whether it's because your partner is always working, traveling, indifferent, or in their own world mentally, your needs always go unmet.

You feel as though you're living by yourself, but you're really not. It can be like crying out for help and never receiving a response.

If you've raised the issue with your partner but still seem unable to get through to him or her, it might be time to decide whether you should seek counseling, or if you're better off pulling the plug altogether.

It has been scientifically proven that loneliness distorts our perceptions of our relationships.

Studies have discovered that merely asking people to recall times they felt lonely was sufficient to make them devalue their relationships.

Such perceptual distortions often cause lonely people to withdraw even further from the very people who could alleviate their loneliness -- that is, if they cared enough to do so.

This speaks to the importance of keeping an open dialogue with your significant other.

Perhaps what you perceive as indifference is really your partner being uncommunicative about his recent health woes. Or maybe your wife has been so caught up with work that she never realized she'd put you on the sidelines.

But, if after you've broached the subject, they make no effort to ameliorate the situation, then they're either in denial, apathetic, or simply taking you for granted.

At that point, remaining in the relationship will only bring more harm than good. You deserve to be with someone who reciprocates the time and energy you invest in them.

And let's not forget, as I've driven home in other posts, that loneliness and being alone are not the same.

A person could be blissfully happy in their relationship but still desire some alone time every now and then to recharge or clear their head. Whether you or your partner crave such solitude, the other should be understanding.

But loneliness is a negative condition no one wishes to suffer from. And if one feels lonely in their relationship or marriage, they should reach out to their friends and relatives for support.

Without question, it's better to be alone than in bad company. At least when it's just you, you can give yourself your undivided attention, and you're not wasting precious time and energy on someone who may fail to appreciate you.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog