Let's start with what "idealizing" means.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, to idealize is to "give an ideal form or value to." In other words, it's the tendency to attribute ideal characteristics to things or people.
There are quite a number of situations we can think of in which people regard others as being more perfect than they are in actuality.
I'm sure you know at least one person who has taken a stab at online dating (perhaps it was you).
The longer two people carry on exchanging pictures and talking on the phone -- without actually meeting in person -- the greater the potential for idealization.
Why?
Since you've never interacted with the individual in person, all you have to go by is what you've seen on your screen or heard by phone.
You are most likely clueless as to the person's imperfections, whether physical or personality-wise, because they're trying to cast themselves in the most positive light possible.
And, of course, the mind fills in the gaps in the rosiest way possible because we don't want to think that all the time we're investing in this person will be for naught in the end.
This dynamic plays out even with people we do initially meet in person because everyone always tries to put their best foot forward when first getting to know someone.
The flaws and skeletons remain well ensconced in the closet until further into the relationship, when people's true colors are in evidence.
Whether interactions take place online or in person, we should never idealize the person on the other end.
That person brings with them flaws, shortcomings, and annoying quirks that you will become well acquainted with sooner or later.
When you idealize someone, you commit one of the worst mistakes one can make in relationships: You set expectations of the individual.
Yes, a relationship can't run smoothly unless we have certain expectations in place. We expect that our partner won't cheat. We expect them to treat us with kindness and respect. We expect a relationship to last a long time when we first enter into it.
But when you idealize someone, you're expecting that they'll never let you down -- you're expecting them to be, well, perfect.
But no one is.
Rest assured that this individual will put your love, trust, and/or patience to the test. You will butt heads with them. You will have days where you wish they could be different in some regard (even though you wouldn't dare admit it openly) -- whether more understanding or less judgmental.
But that's just the thing: When you enter into a relationship, you do so with the understanding that the other person, like you, is going to come with flaws, and the two will have to invest ample time and energy -- and work through your problems -- to keep things running smoothly.
The relationships that endure are those in which both people accept one another for who they are and never ask that the other change. Both realize that the other is imperfect, but they still see their partner as enhancing their life.
Indeed, the relationship is not perfect by any stretch, but they couldn't imagine a more perfect relationship with anyone else.
Ups and downs are to be expected in any and every relationship. Those who idealize others, expecting them to always think and act as they do, are walking into the relationship blindfolded.
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