Can being too nice make you less attractive to dating prospects?
As with anything else, there's no simple answer, and a bevy of factors have to be considered.
For starters, "too nice" for one person can mean something entirely different to someone else, just like we all have different opinions on what counts as too sweet or salty when eating different foods.
In general, though, a person may be regarded as too nice if they exhibit one or more of the following behaviors:
- Being highly agreeable
- Being a complete pushover by never standing up for oneself
- Attempting to buy someone's affections by heaping them with gifts and compliments they probably don't deserve, at least not so early in the game
- Trying to avoid disagreements at all costs
- Lacking the confidence to make decisions without seeking someone else's input
When we first meet someone, it makes sense that we would try to be nice and accommodating given that we are trying to cast ourselves in the most appealing light possible.
But being obsequious -- never saying no, holding back any show of anger, constantly bending over backwards for the other person -- can be seen as a turn-off.
Most men and women would agree that they find it attractive when their partner displays confidence and backbone in that:
- It demonstrates they won't allow anyone to step over them.
- It shows that they're comfortable in their own skin.
A person can be nice, bold, passionate, confident, and driven -- all at the same time. You can be generous and polite without necessarily making someone the center of your universe.
You're likely to yield better results by showing the other person that your life is already fulfilling without a partner, but that you'd like to further enhance it by sharing it with a special someone.
Of course, if you get the sense that you have to deviate too much from your real self to make it work, that person is probably not for you.
But what people have to remember is that the other person is a flawed individual. They become nervous on dates just as you do. There's no reason to treat them as if they were perfect or better than you, because they're not.
Just take a deep breath, relax, and be yourself. If you disagree with them on something, say so -- albeit tactfully. It's a near certainty you will not see eye-to-eye on everything. If they're open-minded, they will appreciate your putting your ideas on the table without fear of judgment. If shows you're firm in your convictions and aren't seeking anyone's approval.
So, in closing, is it true that nice guys -- and girls -- finish last?
Not when they fuse those traits with other favorable qualities -- from ambition to confidence to a sense of humor -- that demonstrate they love who they are, enjoy their lives to the hilt, and would like a special person to come along for the ride.
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