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Don't let others hurt your feelings

Over the years, people have told me that they wish they could free themselves of their own sensitivity, claiming it has led to deep heartache and hurt feelings.

I told them that nixing their sensitive nature will only demonstrate one thing: That they are succumbing to the desires of others. If you've read several other of my posts, you'll know that a recurring theme on this blog is the concept of individuality, and how important it is that we hold on to the things that distinguish us from other people.

By becoming the hardened, unemotional person others push you to be, you're just letting them win. 

So what is one to do?

Well, no one says you can't be sensitive and firm simultaneously. We can be kind, generous, and compassionate toward others without granting them the latitude to trample on our feelings.

The key is to make clear that although you have a soft side, you are totally capable of summoning a bolder, no-nonsense version of yourself that won't take BS from anyone.

When some people detect that you take to wearing your heart on your sleeve, they feel the compulsion to exploit that.

As I've noted in prior entries, we mustn't allow our hearts to govern our every decision. Instead, our choices should balance the yearnings of the heart with the rationality afforded by the mind.

Some of us are inclined to say "yes" every time someone asks for something. We can't help ourselves -- we're givers, almost to a fault. The bad news is that this is a surefire way to being taken for a ride by the more opportunistic people among us.

If you don't want to go along with something they propose, just say "no." If you take exception to something they say or do, speak up. Your voice deserves to be heard as much as anyone else's.

Indeed, we can be sentimental in some instances and assertive in others (much like we can be silly on certain days and more serious on others). Being overly emotional isn't a character flaw that needs correcting -- it's part of what makes you the person you are. However, if we're not careful, some people won't have any qualms about using our sensitivity to get the best of us.

Only by standing up for ourselves -- and remaining true to our principles -- can we command others' respect. If we always bend to others' will, they will persist in running roughshod over our feelings.

Stand your ground, even if it makes you uncomfortable sometimes. Don't yield to other people in hopes of getting their approval. You can be a kind, respectful person without resigning to being anyone's doormat.
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