Don't waste time thinking of people

Becoming overly preoccupied with what others are thinking -- especially about you -- and doing is not conducive to a happy life. In fact, it can bring on feelings of anxiety and even depression if one isn't careful.

When I say "don't think too much about people," I don't mean blocking out thoughts of, say, your adorable daughter's first steps, or repressing thoughts of your sister's recent promotion.

There are obviously favorable events tied to those we love that in turn bring us joy because we care deeply for them.

No, I speak of negative thoughts that can send us down the rabbit hole of overthinking. Examples include:

Your boss throws you under the bus in a meeting, and you find yourself unable to let it go the rest of the day -- even though she apologized profusely and chalked it up to things she's going through in her personal life.

Your partner agrees to pick you up from work on her day off work since the two of you are currently sharing a car. She takes a nap in the afternoon and accidentally oversleeps, never once hearing or feeling the phone despite the fact you called and texted numerous times. You're forced to Uber home and find her sleeping soundly on the couch when you get there.

Your friend promises to join you for drinks a day after you and your boyfriend split up, but bails at the last minute. Given how devastating the breakup was, you were counting on her to be there for you, so it feels like a huge letdown that you can't seem to shake off.

In other words, dwelling on people who have done you wrong will leave you feeling resentful, seriously putting a damper on your happiness.

There's no question that their behavior has to be addressed at some point, for you may decide you no longer wish to work in a job with an egotistical boss, or have someone who's persistently flaky for a friend.

But trapping yourself in a vicious cycle of overanalyzing the behavior of people who disappoint you in some way isn't healthy.

Why not make the effort to do and think about things that bring you happiness when you're having a lousy day?

It could be as easy as contemplating which book you'll read or which movie you'll watch next. Maybe you can begin planning that cruise to the Bahamas you've put off for years. Think of a source of joy and pride in your life -- your well-manicured garden, your coin collection, the non-profit you've volunteered at for a decade -- and keep your thoughts fixed on that.

Easier said than done sometimes? Sure.

But letting people hijack your mind and assume control over your emotions is not an option.

No matter how difficult it can be to reorient our thoughts toward more positive things, we have to push ourselves to do so.

Life is too short to allow other people to get in our heads and overstay their welcome. Remain in control of your thoughts and your life. Never should others have free rein to eat away at your happiness.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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