Here's how our minds can play tricks on us

Earlier this week, I watched a video on psychological techniques employed in marketing and advertising.

One of the subjects they talked about extends well beyond the world of promotion. In fact, it's something we do in our lives quite often, sometimes to our detriment.

They touched upon what is called the focusing illusion.

In a nutshell, it means that the more you think about something, the more importance you assign it.

The moment you convince yourself that you're hungry, you might not want to do anything else until you've grabbed something to nosh on. And you might find yourself unable to stop thinking about an ad you saw on TV promoting the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte the night before.

Moreover, we tend to see the focusing illusion in action when it comes to those things that make us excited, nervous, or sad. A couple of examples include:

Not being able to take your mind off a new girl you just met
Being consumed by negative thoughts as your doctor's appointment nears
Dwelling on the manner in which your coworker slighted you at work
Ruminating about a job you applied for as you await a response from the employer

If you're thinking that the focusing illusion seems like it could lead to anxiety if left unchecked, you wouldn't be off the mark.

We may think about certain things or people (e.g., an ex boyfriend that broke up with you unexpectedly) to the point of near-obsession, which isn't healthy. It can certainly induce a state of anxiousness in us and interfere with our day-to-day activities.

There's no question there are things and individuals we consider important, and that's why we think about them quite a lot.

But we must remind ourselves that thinking about them constantly isn't going to do magic.

Mulling things over and over won't, say, change a failing marriage or improve relationships at work. Instead, you must leverage the thoughts toward concrete steps to resolve whatever problem you're facing.

Maybe you finally decide to have a conversation with your partner or colleague and lay everything on the table. That may put you at ease and reorient your thinking so that your mind is free to focus on other (more positive) stuff.

And it always helps to find ways to distract yourself, whether that be listening to music, learning a new language, playing with your dog, or reading a book. Just because things may not be perfect in your life -- news flash, they never will -- doesn't mean you should keep yourself from seeking out the kinds of things that bring you happiness.

There's no question as to the immense power of the human mind. Our thoughts can make the difference between a good day and a bad one, which is why we should do whatever we can so that they don't take us to a dark place and become a source of serious distress in our lives.

Don't let thoughts of any one person or event control your life.

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put

Understand People

Search This Blog