It's a delicate balancing act many couples struggle to master.
As I've stressed in recent posts, both individuals have to pull their own weight.
If the same person is left doing all the chores every week -- whether it's cooking dinner, tending to the dogs, or doing the laundry -- while the other goes off to carouse with friends, how long do you think it will be before the former feels aggrieved?
Chores should be divided evenly so that both parties can free up time for themselves, whether it's to go to the movies together or catch up with their buddies. (There are always exceptions, of course, as when couples agree that one will stay at home taking care of the children and the household duties.)
When a couple adopts a team mentality, they essentially leave selfishness at the door. They make concessions for one another and, rather than jockey for position, strive to compromise in order to arrive at decisions that benefit both of them.
If "give and receive" isn't in a partner's vocabulary, they're sure to have a rude awakening.
Relationships in which only one person is invested -- whether physically, emotionally, or financially -- don't last very long. Love, time, kindness, hard work, loyalty, compassion, and communication should all be reciprocated.
However, there are those couples who go the other extreme and do virtually everything together.
They're attached at the hip, consulting one another before making even the smallest decisions. Even worse, they espouse each other's views and attitudes without necessarily agreeing with them, and take up one another's hobbies just to please each other.
You shouldn't become so passive and accommodating that you give up the things you love for the other person, your identities seemingly merging into one.
Partners enhance each other's lives by bringing new things to the table. You might not share your husband's love of bonds or birds, but you can still learn a few things from him nonetheless.
Never should we shed our uniqueness to become a mirror image of our partner. At the end of the day, we are still two distinct people with disparate personalities, quirks, and goals.
Such attributes should complement each other so that each person adds value to the relationship in some way. For example, I am not a handy person by any means, but my wife is quite adroit at assembling stuff. At the same time, she is very forgetful while I possess an almost photographic memory.
But if the two of you are aiming to be exactly alike, it's much more difficult for one's strengths to offset the other's weaknesses.
Spending time apart every once in a while so that you can each connect with friends and relatives and focus on your separate pursuits is good for the relationship. It certainly gives you more to talk about when you're home together.
In sum, relationships require that partners strike a healthy balance between making a comparable investment of time and energy in the relationship, and continuing to cultivate the very things that make them two unique individuals.
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