2 things a relationship can't survive without

In order for a relationship to run smoothly, partners need to function as a team while still maintaining their distinct identities.

It's a delicate balancing act many couples struggle to master.

As I've stressed in recent posts, both individuals have to pull their own weight.

If the same person is left doing all the chores every week -- whether it's cooking dinner, tending to the dogs, or doing the laundry -- while the other goes off to carouse with friends, how long do you think it will be before the former feels aggrieved?

Chores should be divided evenly so that both parties can free up time for themselves, whether it's to go to the movies together or catch up with their buddies. (There are always exceptions, of course, as when couples agree that one will stay at home taking care of the children and the household duties.)

When a couple adopts a team mentality, they essentially leave selfishness at the door. They make concessions for one another and, rather than jockey for position, strive to compromise in order to arrive at decisions that benefit both of them.

If "give and receive" isn't in a partner's vocabulary, they're sure to have a rude awakening.

Relationships in which only one person is invested -- whether physically, emotionally, or financially -- don't last very long. Love, time, kindness, hard work, loyalty, compassion, and communication should all be reciprocated.

However, there are those couples who go the other extreme and do virtually everything together.

They're attached at the hip, consulting one another before making even the smallest decisions. Even worse, they espouse each other's views and attitudes without necessarily agreeing with them, and take up one another's hobbies just to please each other.

You shouldn't become so passive and accommodating that you give up the things you love for the other person, your identities seemingly merging into one.

Partners enhance each other's lives by bringing new things to the table. You might not share your husband's love of bonds or birds, but you can still learn a few things from him nonetheless.

Never should we shed our uniqueness to become a mirror image of our partner. At the end of the day, we are still two distinct people with disparate personalities, quirks, and goals.

Such attributes should complement each other so that each person adds value to the relationship in some way. For example, I am not a handy person by any means, but my wife is quite adroit at assembling stuff. At the same time, she is very forgetful while I possess an almost photographic memory.

But if the two of you are aiming to be exactly alike, it's much more difficult for one's strengths to offset the other's weaknesses.

Spending time apart every once in a while so that you can each connect with friends and relatives and focus on your separate pursuits is good for the relationship. It certainly gives you more to talk about when you're home together.

In sum, relationships require that partners strike a healthy balance between making a comparable investment of time and energy in the relationship, and continuing to cultivate the very things that make them two unique individuals.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

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