Why it's okay to be selfish sometimes

You may have read the title of the post and immediately retorted, "No, selfishness is wrong. Giving to and being there for others is what life should be about."

I don't disagree with the latter statement. Whether it's helping an elderly woman cross the street or giving money to a homeless man, a small gesture that brightens one's day can be far more gratifying than, say, pampering yourself with material junk you may never even get around to using.

But I would challenge the notion that being selfish sometimes is wrong.

Yes, being selfish all the time is beyond the pale, especially if you have people (spouse, children, etc.) who greatly depend on you.

But let's face it: Everyone is selfish, albeit in varying degrees. And it's not limited to spending money on themselves.

Some people are selfish when it comes to their time. They want to do things according to their schedule, and there's little room for compromise.

Still others want to call the shots as far as what you will be doing. For example, everytime you propose hanging out, they may want to choose what restaurant or entertainment venue you'll meet at.

It's very hard to find a person who will yield on every decision. And I'm not saying that they should. Relationships are about give and take, so both parties should feel as though they're making some concession to the other.

And there might be phases in the relationship where it feels like one person is going out of their way far more than the other. Unless the pendulum swings the other way at some point, there's the potential for feeling used.

Never feel bad about putting yourself before others at times. Rest assured that they've done it to you in the past and will do so again in the future.

If you find yourself always bending over backwards for others and putting their needs ahead of yours, your life may become utterly miserable before you know it.

You deserve to be happy just as much as they do. And happiness comes from within -- not from other people.

If doing nice things for others makes you fulfilled, that's wonderful. But make sure others are doing their part as well. A successful relationship requires that both individuals invest time, expend energy, and make sacrifices.

As much as they may loathe it, sometimes people need to hear the word "no."

Comments

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