Dating tip: Beware of those on the rebound

How do you know if someone is on the rebound?

A person might be considered on the rebound if he or she becomes involved in a serious relationship that shortly follows the ending of a previous one.

And if the person was dumped -- especially if they never saw it coming -- it only amplifies feelings of wanting to get with someone new to get their mind off the whole ordeal.

If you are dating someone who is rebounding, you may question if he or she is capable of emotional attachment or if you are, instead, simply a substitute for love that was lost.

It can be especially hurtful when you sense that the person you're with isn't entirely over their ex.

They might bring him or her up in conversations, whether they're mentioning how terrible the ex was or, even worse, comparing you both ("John was so much tidier than you are.")

You may also take notice of the fact that they continue to hold on to and revisit photo albums, cards, and gifts that the ex gave them, though your partner tries to assure you those objects no longer mean anything.

If you sense that this person has been unable to shake themselves loose of their ex, it may be time for a heart-to-heart.

It's likely he or she isn't deliberately trying to use you. They may genuinely care about you, but perhaps they now realize that (1) they jumped into a new relationship a bit too soon (2) they need more time to sort through these unresolved feelings.

But you also have the option at that point of moving on. It can't be pleasant to feel as though you're playing second fiddle to someone who is no longer in your partner's life.

And if you discover that you are in fact being used to make the ex jealous or are serving as a stand-in until your partner reconciles with them, don't waste another minute. Kick them out of your life at once and find yourself someone who will value you.

Having their heart broken doesn't give anyone license to turn around and do the same to someone else. Relationships built on lies and shoddy communication eventually go down the tubes.

Don't let the thrill of a new relationship cloud your judgment. If your gut tells you to end it, act accordingly.

Comments

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog