The #1 reason we expect too much from others

The principal reason why we expect too much from others is because we are often willing to do the same -- if not more -- for them, but they just don't share our disposition.

As often happens in relationships, one person is far more invested than the other. For example, one person in particular is always proposing outings, sending texts, liking Facebook posts, and offering to lend a hand whenever it's needed. The other isn't as actively engaged, sometimes vanishing for weeks (if not months) on end.

Once the other person grows accustomed to this, he or she might simply check out, believing that everything is well under control. They just expect to be catered to.

You can never assume that the other person -- whether it's your friend or partner -- will bring to the relationship the same level of energy and willingness to please that you do. They may claim to be busy with work, family, or other priorities. (As I stressed in a recent post, however, people will find the time for the things and people that matter most to them.)

Nor should you expect people to think or act as you do; that's just setting yourself up for disappointment. People can change at the blink of an eye. What's more, sometimes their actions may not align with their declared intentions.

And you should never get in the habit of spoiling the other person while expecting little or nothing in return. All this does is give them a reason to take you for granted.

If you desire an equitable relationship -- where things are 50/50 -- you will need to establish early on that you want the other person to reciprocate the time and effort you're putting in.

A healthy relationship requires balance -- one where both individuals give and both individuals receive. If both people's expectations are worlds apart, they're sure to run into problems down the road.

Comments

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog