They lose sight of the fact that the other person in the relationship -- whether it's their friend, parent, or significant other -- is not attached to them at the hip; the person is still a separate individual with his or her own goals, dreams, fears, hobbies, and personality.
No one likes feeling as though they're being surveilled or suffocated. Unfortunately, though, many of us contend with a partner who lets his or her insecurities come out through these two particular behaviors:
1. They're controlling. A possessive partner wants to dictate everything from what you eat and how you dress to who you can talk to and when you should come home. They treat you more like a child than as an adult, not allowing you to make your own decisions.
Unfortunately, people can be this way for a variety of reasons. They may feel like they've "earned" the right to tell you what to do, either because you've known each other so long or they've come through for you in the past and feel you owe them.
Or, they may assume they know what's best for you, not realizing that they're actually interfering in your life. This is often the case with parents who have a hard time letting go of their kids even once they've reached adulthood.
2. They're overly jealous. A little jealousy in any relationship is normal. A mom might be jealous that her "little boy" is about to get married, relegating her to the #2 spot on his list of the most important women in his life. A man might get a little jealous that other guys check his girlfriend out whenever they're out in public.
But jealousy can escalate to the point where one person forbids the other from interacting with certain people. Things can get really nasty when, say, a jealous partner is caught poring over the other's texts or emails, or even rummaging through his or her drawers for proof of an alleged affair.
When a person is controlling and/or extremely jealous, it communicates one thing: That he or she doesn't trust the other person entirely, even if they have given them no reason to doubt their loyalty. And few things are more corrosive to a relationship than a lack of trust.
Sometimes there can be a very fine line between showing you care and being so worried the other person will let you down that you come off as insecure.
If your partner has given you no credible reason to question their commitment to you, resist the urge to be paranoid, intrusive, or cynical. Rather than fearing the worst, give them the benefit of the doubt. Over time, one's insecurities will no doubt eat away at a relationship, putting it in serious jeopardy.
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