Then there are those who serve up terrible reasons for taking this major step in their lives. Without a doubt, two of the most dubious would have to be these:
1. They want someone to "complete" them.
Can you think of a greater burden to place on a significant than making them responsible for your happiness?
A partner is a welcome enhancement in anyone's life, but never should he or she be viewed as a be-all and end-all.
Other things and people bring us joy, from our friends and pets to our very hobbies. While we often turn to our partner for love, comfort, and security, there are situations (e.g., argument with a parent or an issue with the boss) in which someone else -- say, a sibling or coworker -- may actually be a bigger help than our partner.
Happiness comes from within. Being happy is a personal thing, not an external one. It has nothing to do with anyone or anything else.
As I've noted in prior posts, happiness is found in the present moment by making peace with the past and looking foward to the future.
And always keep this in mind: A relationship can end anytime and for any reason. You may be happy in your relationship today, but who's to say things won't change a day or two from now? People change, and it isn't always for the better.
The only person who will always be there for you is you. Appreciate your partner, but never lead yourself to believe you can't be happy without them.
A partner is a welcome enhancement in anyone's life, but never should he or she be viewed as a be-all and end-all.
Other things and people bring us joy, from our friends and pets to our very hobbies. While we often turn to our partner for love, comfort, and security, there are situations (e.g., argument with a parent or an issue with the boss) in which someone else -- say, a sibling or coworker -- may actually be a bigger help than our partner.
Happiness comes from within. Being happy is a personal thing, not an external one. It has nothing to do with anyone or anything else.
As I've noted in prior posts, happiness is found in the present moment by making peace with the past and looking foward to the future.
And always keep this in mind: A relationship can end anytime and for any reason. You may be happy in your relationship today, but who's to say things won't change a day or two from now? People change, and it isn't always for the better.
The only person who will always be there for you is you. Appreciate your partner, but never lead yourself to believe you can't be happy without them.
2. They enter into the relationship with the intention of "changing" the other person.
To dovetail with the point I made above, people seldom change -- at least not in a drastic way.
For example, a woman may enter into a relationship with the goal of taming a bad boy. Or, perhaps a guy feels the cute girl he met at the gym would make the perfect partner -- if only he could turn her into a sports fan.
People are not robots or dolls you can change or command at will. You can't expect them to think or act like you, whether it's taking up your favorite hobbies or supporting your religious or political views.
We're all separate individuals with our own self-identities. While there's no harm in recommending that your partner try something you may like (e.g. spicy food or yoga), they have no obligation to like it.
Moreover, if their holding a certain view or liking a certain activity means that much to you, you have three options: (1) Try to find a friend or relative whom you have this in common with (2) Meet new people via meetup or other groups with whom you can cultivate these activities outside of the relationship, or (3) Don't enter into this relationship altogether and spare yourself the ensuing head butting.
If you think about it, this second flimy reason for entering into a relationship ties closely with the first in that you're trying to change the person to more closely fit the image of an ideal partner that you have in your mind. In this way, you're depending on them to make you happier -- to make you whole.
You know you're ready for a relationship when your life is happy without a partner, but bringing them in adds an extra bit of sunshine. Your partner is icing on the cake that is your already-wonderful life.
You know you're in the right relationship when, despite your differences and in light of their supposed flaws, you still choose to be with the individual.
To dovetail with the point I made above, people seldom change -- at least not in a drastic way.
For example, a woman may enter into a relationship with the goal of taming a bad boy. Or, perhaps a guy feels the cute girl he met at the gym would make the perfect partner -- if only he could turn her into a sports fan.
People are not robots or dolls you can change or command at will. You can't expect them to think or act like you, whether it's taking up your favorite hobbies or supporting your religious or political views.
We're all separate individuals with our own self-identities. While there's no harm in recommending that your partner try something you may like (e.g. spicy food or yoga), they have no obligation to like it.
Moreover, if their holding a certain view or liking a certain activity means that much to you, you have three options: (1) Try to find a friend or relative whom you have this in common with (2) Meet new people via meetup or other groups with whom you can cultivate these activities outside of the relationship, or (3) Don't enter into this relationship altogether and spare yourself the ensuing head butting.
If you think about it, this second flimy reason for entering into a relationship ties closely with the first in that you're trying to change the person to more closely fit the image of an ideal partner that you have in your mind. In this way, you're depending on them to make you happier -- to make you whole.
You know you're ready for a relationship when your life is happy without a partner, but bringing them in adds an extra bit of sunshine. Your partner is icing on the cake that is your already-wonderful life.
You know you're in the right relationship when, despite your differences and in light of their supposed flaws, you still choose to be with the individual.
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