Picture this: After a long drought on the dating front, Rachel's well-meaning friends and relatives are fixing her up on dates left and right. She's narrowed her options down to two guys: (1) Kevin, a wealthy tax attorney who calls and sends her romantic text messages several times a day, or (2) Alex, a self-confident but modestly paid construction worker who has more hobbies and talents than he can count with both hands.
Whom do you think Rachel is more likely to go for?
At first blush, one might be tempted to say Kevin, only because he seems to be on firmer financial ground.
That may very well be the case if Rachel is an unapologetic gold digger. But chances are that she's taking several factors beyond his bank account into consideration.
Kevin can have all the money in the world, but if he has no self-confidence, Rachel is unlikely to be drawn to him. If there's one attribute most women want in a man, it's self-confidence. Boldness. One who's comfortable in his own skin.
From the description you can probably infer that Kevin is needy, if not desperate. Alex, however, seems to have a lot more going for him, which is sure to intrigue Rachel.
Women are attracted to men who enjoy their lives in spite of them, not because of them.
If Kevin were to tell Rachel that he's madly in love with her after only a few dates, adding that he would feel miserable and incomplete without her, how do you think she'd take it? If you said she'll be utterly turned off, you're correct.
For starters, a man should never expect a woman to "complete" him. Instead, he'll get much better results by conveying that his life is already great without her, but that he'd love for her to come along for the ride. The point is to communicate that Rachel will serve as an enhancement to his already-fulfilling life, not as some missing piece to the puzzle. In the scenario above, Alex seems better positioned to succeed.
What's more, many men assume that they can buy a woman's affections simply by showering her with gifts and compliments. News flash: Women can pick up on these kinds of ploys very easily, and they're very likely to backfire. (While a man has a better chance at wooing someone who has no other options, a girl like Rachel -- who has yet another suitor -- may well be impervious to such overblown advances.)
It might seem counterintuitive to some guys, but women don't want men to put them on a pedestal. They don't want to be barraged with compliments that they probably haven't even earned.
So what type of man do they want?
- One who's self-confident and willing to stand up for himself
- One who doesn't compromise his values and beliefs
- One who isn't afraid to tell her when she's wrong (in a tactful way, of course)
- One who is working toward achieving goals and improving his lot in life (e.g., getting a promotion, earning a degree)
- One who has hobbies and interests that go beyond calling, messaging, and thinking about her
Some men fail to realize that, when they're first getting to know the woman, keeping a little mystery can work to their advantage. It keeps her on her toes and leaves her craving more. Why put all your cards on the table so quickly? Build a little anticipation and let her wonder and think about you!
So there you have it, guys. If you think having loads of money and feeding her a steady diet of compliments is all it'll take for her to swoon over you, you're terribly mistaken. She's far more likely to want a confident man who makes her laugh and brings home $50,000 a year than a rich one who lacks any backbone and worships the ground she treads on.
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