Key difference between infatuation and love

Many people don't know how to tell the difference between love and infatuation.

Here's the chief differentiator in a nutshell:

When you're infatuated by someone, you perceive them to be perfect for you without even knowing them that well.

When you truly love or are in love with someone, they're perfect in your eyes despite their known imperfections.

In other words, mere infatuation is conducive to an "ignorance is bliss" mindset. In the early stages of a relationship, when you're still unaware of a person's flaws, all you have to go on are their looks, words, and gestures, which together form your initial impression of them.

You can't be certain everything they've told you about themselves is true, but you're so taken with the person -- especially after being showered with cutesy gifts and/or notes -- that you're willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.

However, you can't really love someone until you know more about them on a deeper level -- and I'm not just talking about their choice of career and their favorite foods.

Before even thinking about the "l" word, ask yourself the following:

Does this person share my beliefs and values?
Has he or she done anything egregious that could lead me to question whether I want to get serious with them (e.g., cheated on an ex, racked up serious debt, flunked out of college)?
Can I see him or her getting along with my friends and family?
Do we have similar hobbies and interests?

Not surprisingly, many people won't divulge details on the more personal aspects of their lives until they've built a certain level of trust in the other person. Plus, people try to put their best forward at the outset, and mentioning things like being broke won't reflect favorably on anyone.

Hopefully, neither person decides to leave skeletons (if any) in the closet too long, which may potentially jeopardize an otherwise stable, long-term relationship should the person discover them by accident. Transparency is always the best policy.

Whatever your past or foibles, the other person has a right to know anything you've been hiding so that they can decide for themselves whether they see a future with you in light of that information. Keeping things from the other person will pave the way for a relationship built on lies and deceit. If you can't trust the person, the relationship is destined for failure.

If, after getting a good sense of their beliefs, attitudes, shortcomings, and past, you feel the positives still outweigh the negatives -- if you still see yourself being with him or her over the long haul -- then it's much more feasible that what you feel is love. To be infatuated, however, is to admire or lust for someone, but the feelings are on a much more superficial level since you don't know them that well yet.

Unfortunately, many people mistake one for the other, leading to far too many broken hearts and ill-fated relationships. Don't rush into telling someone you love them until you're absolutely certain that is the case. At the same time, if your partner tells you he or she loves you after only a couple of dates, it should raise red flags for sure.

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