Skip to main content

Don't do THIS when arguing with your partner

We argue with our significant other. It's a fact of life. 

However, we can only hope that our bond will emerge stronger following the tiff -- with both partners poised to take each other's concerns into account and work toward allaying them -- than before.

Here's the issue: There's constructive fighting -- where both voice their grievances in a tactful, non-accusatory way, and then there's vicious fighting, an all-out brawl where both individuals stop at nothing to say the nastiest things to one another. 

Needless to say, you definitely want to steer clear of the latter if you want to avoid derailing the relationship. It will only cause the fighting to escalate, widening the ever-yawning rift between you and your partner and making you resentful of one another. 

One thing many of us do which is a big no-no is the following: Instead of beginning with, "I feel hurt" or "I think you're being unfair," we frame our arguments in a much more negative, accusatory way: "You're always messing up.  You are such a slob. You are sabotaging the relationship."

Notice the difference?

The first approach -- beginning each sentence with "I" -- sounds like it genuinely comes from the heart, and it gets to the root of hurt or angry feelings. The second scenario smacks of pointing the finger; you come off as being judgmental, which does nothing but put your partner on the defensive.

I think arguing can ultimately improve the relationship provided each partner makes an earnest effort to listen to and address the other's concerns. However, if such complaints fall on deaf ears, it'll only damage the relationship in the long run. 

What's more, the argument doesn't have to devolve into a full-throated shouting match. You can be firm but respectful by keeping your emotions in check. Don't talk over or down to your partner. Let them get their word in. You're bound to discover there are things bothering him or her that you had no idea of. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually.  Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker.  Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar.  When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put