Why you shouldn't force anything

Whether it's in the realm of love, friendship, or even your career, you should never have to force yourself to do anything.

If deep down you feel like something doesn't come naturally, it's probably not right for you.

For example, if you find yourself rolling your eyes everytime the person you're dating calls you, chances are you're not into him or her. And if the thought of going on another date seems like a chore, that only adds fuel to the argument.

Even if your friends or relatives prod you to give someone a chance, you shouldn't cave if your heart isn't in it. And the worst thing you can do is remain in the relationship only because you feel bad for the other person. All that does is give them false hope. You wouldn't want someone to do the same to you, right?

Moreover, if you're forcing yourself to keep alive a decades-old friendship while your buddy seems to have forgotten you exist, there comes a point where you have to say, "it's just not worth it" and cut the cord.

Similarly, in the world of jobs, you should never feel forced to take a certain job or accept a promotion unless you're comfortable making that move.

I realize that when one is unemployed and needs money to put food on the table, they may feel compelled to take the first thing that comes up -- even if it's far from their ideal job.

But if they currently have a job and are in no hurry to bolt, I advise them to take their time looking for a job that meets all or most of their criteria. They should make sure that the offer matches their expectations in terms of salary and benefits and that the position itself complements their personality and working style.

The factors most likely to pull us in a direction we may not necessarily want to go include:

  • Our own impulsivity
  • Failure to think through the decision first
  • Pressure from friends and family members
  • Getting desperate and acting rashly as a result
  • Not listening to one's better instincts
If your gut tells you not to do something, listen to it, as it's usually right on the money. 

There's a difference between working hard for something -- and forcing it. When you work hard toward a goal, you want to achieve with every fiber of your being.
When you have to force something, it's because you really don't want or care for it. 

But life is too short to waste time and energy on things and people we want nothing to do with. 

Focus on what and who really matters to you. Don't say "yes" to a person or company just to appease them. Be true to yourself and do what you know will make you happy, even if it ruffles a few people's feathers. 

If you have to force something -- if it just doesn't come out naturally, from the heart -- it's likely not meant for you. Saying "no" and moving on is one of the most empowering feelings you'll ever have.

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