A critical mistake people make in relationships

If there's one thing that leads a relationship down the road to ruin, it's when someone assumes that whatever they do -- no matter how selfish or heartless -- will be forgiven and forgotten, and that his or partner will always be there to receive them with open arms.

My girlfriend in high school learned this the hard way. She was as flaky as can be, telling me one minute that she wasn't ready for something serious and reeling me back in the next with hugs and tender messages.

Well, she was completely blindsided by my decision to end the relationship only a few months after we began dating. I just couldn't stand the games anymore, and I knew I could do better. I was then on my way to college, where a bountiful crop of single women awaited me.

I will admit that I probably asked for it. I was a bit of a pushover in those days, virtually worshiping the ground whichever girl I was interested in walked on. A similar situation played out with another girl I dated a few months later. After that relationship imploded, I started thinking that maybe I was somehow attracting these immature, commitment-phobic girls, and I needed to make a change.

The irony was that I was an unbridled romantic who poured my heart and soul into relationships and yet the girls I was drawn to seemed so emotionally vapid. I eventually learned that you don't have to tell someone you love them five times a day in order for them to stay with you. You don't have to buy their affection with gifts and constant love notes.

Instead, being a little mysterious -- leaving things to do the imagination -- can work wonders. No one wants to be the center of someone else's world; that's an awful lot of pressure to put on an individual.
People are more drawn to you when you have other things going for you in your life -- that makes them want to be a part of it.

Going back to the two girls I dated in high school, they relished the attention I was giving them so much that neither thought I'd do the unthinkable -- send them to you know where -- but I did. And it felt great.

Unfortunately, many people allow themselves to become doormats, and it isn't until they stand up for themselves that they finally earn the other person's respect. In many cases, it isn't until the latter gets dumped or scolded that they commit to changing their ways.

If you're currently not in a relationship and want to avoid this predicament next time you meet someone, simply make it clear from the get-go that you are not someone to be trifled with. That even though you're willing to give your heart to the right person, you will never let him or her take advantage of you. And you can do this by standing up for yourself when you think your partner is in the wrong.

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put

How to Understand People

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