Skip to main content

The best way to get to know people is...

Want to get to know people better?  Try to have one-to-one conversations with them.

I've found that people tend to be more open and genuine in one-to-one conversations than they are when other people are around.

Add more people to the equation and people begin putting on a facade just to fit in and make a good impression, particularly if several people in the conversation know each other.

That's not to say it can't happen in a one-to-one conversation -- especially when both individuals met only recently -- but the chances of that happening are slimmer.

When it's just you and another person, you're more vulnerable. Efforts be silly in order to elicit laughs may blow up in your face, and there's no one else around to back you up in case you say something you may regret.

In addition, more participants bring more noise into the conversation. Suddenly you have people talking and shouting over another, not to mention going off on tangents. This makes it much more difficult to achieve the same degree of substance that a one-to-one conversation affords.

I find that the people I have the most superficial relationships with are those whom always seem to be around other people. Why? Because they don't open up the same way in that context.

Most people tend to act differently around one person than they would when their buddies are also present, for example. In this situation, they feel comfortable around their friends and generally make less of an effort to connect with the person they may not know as well.

If you want to get to know someone on a deeper level -- whether it's a date, friend of a friend, or co-worker -- arranging a one-to-one conversation is unequivocally the way to go.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually.  Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker.  Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar.  When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put