Don't complain of being single if you're...

Don't complain of being single if you're super picky, which is the boat one of my friends perpetually finds himself in.

He's gregarious, polite, and an all around good guy. However, when it comes to women, he seeks near-perfection: a slim, highly attractive woman -- we're talking Victoria's Secret-esque -- who doesn't smoke, drink, or party. Oh, yeah, and she should attend church regularly.

Saying my friend has high standards is an understatement. He refuses to even consider women who are a couple of pounds overweight.

While some may say his refusal to budge on his criteria is admirable in that he sticks to his guns, others might lambaste him for his ostensible shallowness.

What provides ammunition to the latter group's argument, however, is the fact he often complains of being single.

Well, little does he realize that his problem is of his own making. If you're going to disqualify the vast majority of the dating pool on account of what you find to be unacceptable looks, you are going to have a harder time finding dates. It's only common sense -- and simple math.

As a result, he comes along on many of my outings with my wife, cementing his status as the third wheel.

Sometimes I feel my friend wants a very attractive girlfriend he can show off to the world, much like he does his car.

What I've reminded him of countless times is that beauty is only skin deep. It fades as we age and should be secondary to a person's inner qualities, from honesty and compassion to intelligence and their sense of humor.

I've asked him the following: What good is having a beautiful partner if their inside is dark and rotten? That's no recipe for a long-term, fulfilling relationship.

He concedes that a great personality is important to him, but refuses to abandon his neverending quest for finding a "10."

I only wish him the best in finding a good woman, but I think my friend -- like many other guys out there -- is being too picky. He has set his expectations so high that no woman seems to meet his stringent criteria.

I hope that it won't take a train wreck of a relationship with a physically attractive yet vain, heartless woman for him to realize there's more to life than looks.

Sure, there has to be a physical spark between both people, but what really matters over the long haul is how the person treats you.

Is she communicative?
Does she trust you?
Does she treat you with respect?
Does she support you in your goals?
Does she respect your friends and family?
Does she see a future for the two of you?

These are the kinds of things that call for high standards -- not whether she has the ideal face or perfect body. It especially bothers me when the people who are most insistent on great looks aren't anything to write home about in that department themselves. Hypocrisy, anyone?

No one is perfect. Just like the products we buy, people come with their flaws, whether physical or personality-wise. I can only hope my friend realizes this sooner than later and tweaks his requirements at least a tad. He certainly isn't getting any younger.

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

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