Playing hard to get does THIS to relationships

I've stumbled upon relationship and self-help books that actually encourage people to play hard to get with potential suitors. They argue that it keeps the other person on their toes and longing for more, ultimately resulting in an exciting relationship.

While playing hard to get might work to some extent in the very early stages of courtship -- especially if your would-be partner is used to being asked out constantly -- it has no place in a serious relationship.

Once things get more serious, playing hard to get becomes tantamount to childish games you might see in high school. (I was on the receiving end of such behavior with a couple of girls during my teen years.)

Playing hard to get can seriously backfire on you. It sends the signal that you are too busy for or not genuinely interested in the other person. Even worse, it might convey that you have someone else on the side.

I know a guy who employed this tactic to pique a woman's interest in him. While it seemed to work for the first few weeks, she grew so tired of his perceived standoffishness that she called it quits after merely a month.

Needless to say, playing hard to get gives the impression of being fickle, callow, and not serious about forging a romantic, long-term relationship.

It might be an effective way to reel in someone non-committal who simply wants to fool around. If that's not what you're after, however, playing hard to get can blow up in your face.

The other extreme, however, is not recommended either: constantly hounding the person for their attention. Calling a person non-stop and showering them with an endless barrage of gifts screams "needy."

The best alternative? Striking a healthy balance between caring too little and caring too much.

Show you're interested, yes, but make it clear you already have a great life going for you. That, in turn, will make the other person more eager to become part of it.

1 comment:

Ema said...

Playing hard to get is ridiculous. Playing hard to ... reject. Bye bye. No more.