6 ways to tell if someone is lying to you

Lying. We all do it almost daily, though in varying degrees. Some of us have made a habit of lying through our teeth, while others are masters in the art of little white lies that often go unnoticed.

Whatever one's propensity for lying, we can usually detect lies through certain verbal and non-verbal cues, some of which I elaborate on below:

1. Eye contact: If a person is having a hard time maintaining eye contact while talking to you, it usually means they're hiding something. For example, let's say the person you're chatting with routinely looks at the floor or ceiling during the conversation. Yes, this can be indicative of sheer boredom or a lack of self-confidence, but in most cases, it signals that the individual can't deliver his or her words with conviction. Instead, he or she is displaying the kind of sheepishness characteristic of a person caught in a lie -- or about to be caught in one.

2. Speech patterns: When someone is lying, they're more likely to clear the throat, stutter, get tongue-tied from talking too fast, and employ filler words like "uh" and "um" during moments of hesitation. Interestingly, research shows that people will also nix contractions, using "was not" rather than "wasn't" and "did not" instead of "didn't."

3. Repeated pauses and questions: Instead of giving you a straight answer, a liar will often repeat your question, or you'll notice the person pause between answers. The person might also ask that you repeat the question you just asked, even though you know the individual heard you the first time. He or she does this to buy time in order to formulate as believable a lie as the person can.

4. Gestures vs words: When a person's words are incongruous with his gestures, it means he is probably making stuff up.

5. Defensive behavior: When people emphatically deny lying and become highly defensive after the finger is pointed at them, it suggests that something is amiss. Think about it: Why become overly emotional when you know what you're saying is true? People who are being sincere are more likely to remain composed and back their position with poise and substance.

6. Changing the subject or story: Liars have a penchant for changing the subject, especially when put in the hot seat. They also tend to contradict themselves, changing the details of a story as they go along.

So there you have it. Next time you want to probe into whether someone is a liar, put on your detective hat and look for these telltale verbal and non-verbal signs.

Have you already looked for any of these cues when sizing someone up?

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put

Understand People

Search This Blog