Don't stress about the future

Most of us don't warm up to change easily, whether it's starting a new job or moving to a new neighborhood. In fact, when change is imminent, many of us tend to get awfully nervous and think the worst, making such defeatist statements as:

"I'm going to fail."
"Something bad is going to happen."
"This isn't going to work."

While it's normal to feel a little apprehensive about the future -- that is, the unknown -- we should not get in the habit of always facing it with trepidation.

After all, what lies ahead may actually turn out a lot better than we expect.

In order to better take the future in stride, we must do two things:

1. Stay positive: Negativity not only makes us more anxious, it eats away at our self-confidence. Success starts with opening yourself to the possibility of things turning out favorably. You need to give it time -- human beings are surprisingly good at adapting to new, unfamiliar situations. As tempting as it may be to quit a job after two days, make the effort to stick it out for another week. You may later realize that your initial impulse to quit may have more to do with feelings of self-doubt than actual performance.

2. Embrace change: All of us are resistant to change on some level, but the truth of the matter is that change is the only constant in life; we have no choice but to accept some change sooner or later. While that doesn't mean you have to do away with every routine in your life, part of growing as an individual -- evolving, if you will -- is inviting change.

I'll give you an example. I recently switched barbers, which was a difficult move considering that I had been cutting my hair with the same barber for 10 years. But I knew it was time for a change. After I moved, it was taking me 30 minutes to drive to and from the barber shop. What's more, I had to wait another 15 minutes for my barber to finish attending the person who'd arrived before me. (Despite my making appointments, it appeared my barber was squeezing people in -- presumably walk-in clients -- right before my time slot.) As if that weren't enough, I was happy with neither the product (hair wasn't cut to my specifications) nor the service (some of the barbers cussed, making the environment feel unprofessional.)

It wasn't easy, but I broke through the inertia and managed to find myself a highly capable barber at a different shop. While I'm paying $3 more per haircut, it's a fair price to pay for all the conveniences afforded at this establishment, from outstanding service to a quiet, relaxing environment. As you can imagine, parting ways with someone who I had built a good relationship with over a decade was difficult.

So the next time you anticipate a big event coming to pass in the near future, heed the two suggestions listed above (1) remain positive (2) Accept change, don't resist it.

Let the future arrive and then worry about how to deal with it. Why worry now when there's nothing you can do about it?

Be sure to check out prior posts by clicking here: How to Understand People

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog