Caring less means more power

I'm sure you've heard this saying before: The person who cares the least in and about a relationship has more power.

To a certain extent, I think this is true.

People are good at perceiving when someone else is heavily reliant on them physically and emotionally.

When you're overly clingy with a friend or partner, it tends to drive the person away. But why?

It goes back to what I've stated countless times in various blog posts. We like the chase. We want what we can't have.

We tend to take for granted what's too readily available. It's as if we become so accustomed to the other person that we begin to take them for granted. We put less effort into the relationship because we're convinced doing so won't have any negative consequences. We're confident the person will remain attached at our hip no matter what we say or do.

But life has a funny way of turning the tables on us. Once the person realizes that they're being taken advantage of, they might change their attitude completely. The phone calls stop, the loads of attention gradually dissipate. All of the sudden, the person has other things to do or think about.

And just like that, the roles reverse. Now the pursuer becomes the pursued.

This dynamic plays out in many a relationship. I've observed that one person always tends to care more than the other at different points in the relationship. Who cares more at a specific time depends largely on a host of factors.

For example, does one person work a lot more than the other? If so, the person left home waiting is likely to miss his or her significant other, leading to sometimes-intense feelings of desire.

Indeed, the most potent way to get someone to have stronger feelings for you is to have them miss you.

Another way is to get them to do favors for you. As I alluded to above, we attach more value to things and people we have to work harder to get. When one finds himself doing a lot for his partner, he thinks, "Hey, I must really love this person if I'm doing all this for her."

It sounds counterintuitive, but it's true. Caring less gives you the upper hand because it shows that if worse comes to worst, you'll walk away without any hesitation.

One must show their partner that they are happy on their own, and that their partner is merely an enhancement to an already-fulfilling life.

But once you show someone that you can't be happy without them -- that you need them in order to feel good about yourself and life in general -- that's when a person's interest level begins to wane, leading them to work less to stay in your good graces. In essence, you're giving away your power.

It's all about communicating to your partner that you want them -- but don't need them -- in your life. That one word makes a world of a difference.

But be mindful that this approach can backfire if taken to an extreme. If your partner senses there's too much of an imbalance, they may confront you about it, or, worse -- end the relationship altogether.

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