Some of my male friends have posed this question to me countless times. The truth is, I share their plight.
My wife, whom I've been with for over 10 years now, has never been one to initiate sex. Like my frustrated buddies, I found myself perplexed over the issue for many years. Eventually, I came to grips with the fact that no two women are built the same, especially when it concerns sex.
There are a host of reasons as to why some women remain pursuees rather than pursuers. For one, some women have lower sex drives than others and find themselves unable to keep up with their partner's demands.
Second, their disinterest in inititating sex may stem from their upbringing. Girls are taught from an early age that they should neither fawn over a man nor be too sexually forward. It is ingrained in these women that showing sexual interest is a man's job. They tend to keep their sexual desires under wraps lest they be labeled sluts or whores. While society gives men a pat on the back for sleeping with as many women as they can, women are often chastised for such behavior.
Unfortunately, though, many women hold on to this mindset even when in relationships. Their partners encourage them to let loose, but the women still expect the men to do the legwork, leaving the latter utterly confused and frustrated.
Further, some women are just shy by nature, and they never quite shake it off as they get older. Not every woman is inclined to be a lynx in bed. Some are just more passive and prefer to play the role of follower than that of leader.
People can usually get a good sense of their partner's sexual proclivities after a few romps in bed. Sometimes all it takes is for a woman to feel comfortable -- not only with the man, but with her own body. Sometimes women will give off subtle hints that they want and are ready for sex (e.g. she gets close to him in bed and grabs his hand in bed), but they'll still expect the man to get the party started with foreplay.
While a man can certainly get a woman to loosen up under the sheets (as has been the case with my wife), he should never expect that she'll morph into the type who throws him on the bed and pounces on him as soon as he gets home.
If he wants his partner to be that sexually aggressive, he should let it be known upfront. It isn't fair to expect your partner to change this radically, then hold it against her when things don't pan out.
The truth of the matter is that we're all different. We come with different libidos, upbringings, and personalities. Some men have the opposite problem -- their partners are always doing the initiating, and they're the ones finding it difficult to keep up.
While some men are happy to inititate all the time, others wish it were more 50/50. Men, after all, love the feeling of being seduced just as women do.
In my view, the best relationships are those where both partners give and take in every area.
Ladies, if your man has told you that your initiating would make him happy, why not give it a try one day? You might actually enjoy it!
Guys, if your partner has told you that she'll never be this way, it's up to you to decide whether it's something you can stomach over the long haul. If it isn't, you each might be better off ending the relationship and finding someone with which you're more sexually compatible.
My wife, whom I've been with for over 10 years now, has never been one to initiate sex. Like my frustrated buddies, I found myself perplexed over the issue for many years. Eventually, I came to grips with the fact that no two women are built the same, especially when it concerns sex.
There are a host of reasons as to why some women remain pursuees rather than pursuers. For one, some women have lower sex drives than others and find themselves unable to keep up with their partner's demands.
Second, their disinterest in inititating sex may stem from their upbringing. Girls are taught from an early age that they should neither fawn over a man nor be too sexually forward. It is ingrained in these women that showing sexual interest is a man's job. They tend to keep their sexual desires under wraps lest they be labeled sluts or whores. While society gives men a pat on the back for sleeping with as many women as they can, women are often chastised for such behavior.
Unfortunately, though, many women hold on to this mindset even when in relationships. Their partners encourage them to let loose, but the women still expect the men to do the legwork, leaving the latter utterly confused and frustrated.
Further, some women are just shy by nature, and they never quite shake it off as they get older. Not every woman is inclined to be a lynx in bed. Some are just more passive and prefer to play the role of follower than that of leader.
People can usually get a good sense of their partner's sexual proclivities after a few romps in bed. Sometimes all it takes is for a woman to feel comfortable -- not only with the man, but with her own body. Sometimes women will give off subtle hints that they want and are ready for sex (e.g. she gets close to him in bed and grabs his hand in bed), but they'll still expect the man to get the party started with foreplay.
While a man can certainly get a woman to loosen up under the sheets (as has been the case with my wife), he should never expect that she'll morph into the type who throws him on the bed and pounces on him as soon as he gets home.
If he wants his partner to be that sexually aggressive, he should let it be known upfront. It isn't fair to expect your partner to change this radically, then hold it against her when things don't pan out.
The truth of the matter is that we're all different. We come with different libidos, upbringings, and personalities. Some men have the opposite problem -- their partners are always doing the initiating, and they're the ones finding it difficult to keep up.
While some men are happy to inititate all the time, others wish it were more 50/50. Men, after all, love the feeling of being seduced just as women do.
In my view, the best relationships are those where both partners give and take in every area.
Ladies, if your man has told you that your initiating would make him happy, why not give it a try one day? You might actually enjoy it!
Guys, if your partner has told you that she'll never be this way, it's up to you to decide whether it's something you can stomach over the long haul. If it isn't, you each might be better off ending the relationship and finding someone with which you're more sexually compatible.
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