My wife and I have been friends with Dan since high school. When she and I hooked up in 2005, it seemed only natural to invite him along on many of our outings. He was single at the time and remained so until just this year.
I figure that my wife and I spared Dan plenty of Friday and Saturday nights by himself. Even though being the third wheel isn't always fun, it sure beats not having anyone to interact with, right?
Dan finally entered into a relationship about 3 months ago, and it's as though he has fallen off the map completely. He's hardly active on Facebook and doesn't deign to call or text me, even occasionally.
The Dan from before is no longer. I'm trying not to take it personally and reason that maybe he'll come around again once the honeymoon stage he and his new girlfriend are in tapers off.
To be frank, I feel a little cheated -- almost as if he's stolen something from me. What that something is I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe it's all the time my wife and I shared with him -- time that he and his girlfriend don't want to share with us now?
Over the years, I would tell him I was eager for him to get a girlfriend so that we could double date, and he echoed those sentiments. But here we are, three months into his relationship, and I've barely spoken to the guy. Again, I'm hopeful that once the excitement of being in a new relationship wears off, he'll be more like his old self, but I won't hold my breath.
And this brings me to the title of the post. Having great friendships is really a blessing in life. But we have to be honest with ourselves: Oftentimes, the reason people are in friendships to begin with is so that they can mutually benefit from them in some way.
While there are only three guys in my life I can call true friends -- my wife only has one close friend, by the way -- Dan has broadened his social circle considerably over the years. With a girlfriend, I see that network expanding even further to include her relatives and friends. That said, our friendship probably doesn't mean as much to him these days as it does to me. But 10 years ago, when he was a single chap in college, I was among a small group of his closest buddies.
I realize now that maybe my wife and I were a little too generous in inviting him to join us so many times. If I had known that he would distance himself to this extent once he got into a relationship, we would never have catered to him that way.
In other words, when it comes to friendships, it's okay to say "no" at times. It's not every day that a couple brings a friend along on outings to restaurants, movie theaters, museums, and other venues. I guess that made my wife and I good friends; I only wish he would, as they say, "pay it forward" now. Since he has distanced himself to this degree, though, it makes me feel like he was just using us for his convenience. Being that he has a girlfriend now, we seem dispensable -- or, at least, that's the impression he's giving us.
Again, my advice to you is not to be accommodating with friends and then expect them to somehow pay it forward later on. I take immense pride in the fact that I never disappeared on any of my friends once I got into a relationship. Unfortunately, many people forget their friends once they become involved with someone else.
Is there a tinge of jealousy coming through in this post? I don't think so. Am I disappointed, surprised, and maybe a bit hurt? Probably.
Though friendships should be about give and take, some people only seek to do the latter. It's hard to believe, but some of our so-called friends will drop us once something or someone better comes along.
Please share this post. And for earlier entries, click here: How to Understand People
I figure that my wife and I spared Dan plenty of Friday and Saturday nights by himself. Even though being the third wheel isn't always fun, it sure beats not having anyone to interact with, right?
Dan finally entered into a relationship about 3 months ago, and it's as though he has fallen off the map completely. He's hardly active on Facebook and doesn't deign to call or text me, even occasionally.
The Dan from before is no longer. I'm trying not to take it personally and reason that maybe he'll come around again once the honeymoon stage he and his new girlfriend are in tapers off.
To be frank, I feel a little cheated -- almost as if he's stolen something from me. What that something is I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe it's all the time my wife and I shared with him -- time that he and his girlfriend don't want to share with us now?
Over the years, I would tell him I was eager for him to get a girlfriend so that we could double date, and he echoed those sentiments. But here we are, three months into his relationship, and I've barely spoken to the guy. Again, I'm hopeful that once the excitement of being in a new relationship wears off, he'll be more like his old self, but I won't hold my breath.
And this brings me to the title of the post. Having great friendships is really a blessing in life. But we have to be honest with ourselves: Oftentimes, the reason people are in friendships to begin with is so that they can mutually benefit from them in some way.
While there are only three guys in my life I can call true friends -- my wife only has one close friend, by the way -- Dan has broadened his social circle considerably over the years. With a girlfriend, I see that network expanding even further to include her relatives and friends. That said, our friendship probably doesn't mean as much to him these days as it does to me. But 10 years ago, when he was a single chap in college, I was among a small group of his closest buddies.
I realize now that maybe my wife and I were a little too generous in inviting him to join us so many times. If I had known that he would distance himself to this extent once he got into a relationship, we would never have catered to him that way.
In other words, when it comes to friendships, it's okay to say "no" at times. It's not every day that a couple brings a friend along on outings to restaurants, movie theaters, museums, and other venues. I guess that made my wife and I good friends; I only wish he would, as they say, "pay it forward" now. Since he has distanced himself to this degree, though, it makes me feel like he was just using us for his convenience. Being that he has a girlfriend now, we seem dispensable -- or, at least, that's the impression he's giving us.
Again, my advice to you is not to be accommodating with friends and then expect them to somehow pay it forward later on. I take immense pride in the fact that I never disappeared on any of my friends once I got into a relationship. Unfortunately, many people forget their friends once they become involved with someone else.
Is there a tinge of jealousy coming through in this post? I don't think so. Am I disappointed, surprised, and maybe a bit hurt? Probably.
Though friendships should be about give and take, some people only seek to do the latter. It's hard to believe, but some of our so-called friends will drop us once something or someone better comes along.
Please share this post. And for earlier entries, click here: How to Understand People
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