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PET PEEVE: People who ditch their friends once they get into a relationship

We all have friends who do this, or perhaps you're guilty of having done it yourself.

Some people have the unpleasant habit of abandoning their friends once they enter into a relationship. In fact, two of my high school buddies ditched our circle of friends once they hooked up with their now wives. And one of my closest friends only recently began dating a girl at work and has since fallen off the map.

I take immense pride in the fact that even when my now-wife and I were in the so-called "honeymoon phase," we still made time for friends, whether mutual or otherwise. This same love-struck friend who is now too busy to even give me a call was often the third wheel on outings with my wife and I. Isn't it funny how some people can change so drastically?

Moreover, certain people become so consumed with their new relationship that they lose sight of the fact that they have others in their life who also care about and wish to communicate -- at least occasionally -- with them.

What's even more irksome to me is when these same people flit back to you once their relationships go awry. It makes you feel used -- like the "back up" mop you dust off only when the one you use every day breaks.

These individuals mustn't forget this: You never know when you'll need the friends in your life to get you out of a bind. That's why it's only right to keep the lines of communication open, no matter how smitten you may be with your partner.

Why would you want to cut off people who have been there for you through the thick and thin? I realize some people may not even be conscious of the fact that they're neglecting their friends; regardless, they should do their part to show interest in others' lives just as they did pre-relationship.

As we get older, due to shifting priorities in our lives, new friendships become harder to forge, and old ones harder to maintain. Still, is it really worth it to let so many great memories, not to mention all the time invested in that friendship, fall by the wayside?

It's possible some of these friends were around even before the new boyfriend or girlfriend came into the picture.

If you find yourself letting one or more friendships go down the drain because you're too preoccupied with your relationship -- and, assuming you want to keep the friendship(s) alive -- call up your friend and let the person know how much he or she means to you. Tell your friend you didn't mean for the relationship to get in the way of your friendship, and that from this point forward you'll aim to make more time for him or her.

If you're the one getting the cold shoulder, let your friend know how you feel. Tell your friend that you understand the partner is now his or her priority, but that you feel the two of you could make time to talk or see each other at least every so often.

If this doesn't work, then you know it's probably best to move on and let the lovebirds be.



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