When do you know it's time to kiss a friendship goodbye?

The last 11 or so months have been quite eventful to say the least. My wife and I got married, went on our honeymoon (our first time traveling by plane and outside our home state), and we recently bought a condo.

While it's certainly been an exciting period in my life, it's also been the most stressful by far. I find myself edgier than ever. Closing on the condo took a lot longer than we expected and was mentally, physically, and emotionally draining.

I don't know if it's any coincidence that within the 11-month span we've been married, I've gotten into heated arguments with my 3 closest friends, all of whom I've known for 15 or more years. It seems the arguments have debilitated the friendships to such a degree that I doubt all 3 will survive.

I guess when you're under a lot of stress, it's not as easy to hold your emotions in check. The other contributing factor may be that I no longer have a lot in common with any of the three. While I recently got married and have no kids, two of the guys don't even have girlfriends, and the other is married but with 2 kids.

We've had spats in the past, but now that I'm married, it just feels different. I recognize that perhaps these friendships have run their course and that trying to keep them humming is an exercise in futility.

I feel that I am ready to let go if that's what is meant to be. I firmly believe people come into your life to serve a certain purpose. Once that has been accomplished, it is time to soldier on.

I care about these guys, but I am finding it harder to relate to them these days. I just finished having a heated argument with one who hung up in my face because he took offense to something I said. It wasn't the first time he has hung up in my face, though. I forgave him for doing it the first time about 2 years ago, but I refuse to be disrespected that way more than once. He and I are on thin ice, and even if he apologizes, I may not accept it.

I guess my wife and I are better off hanging out with people in the same life stage as us -- those who are married with no kids.

Do friendships begin to crumble once you're married?

Comments

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog