Skip to main content

How to Understand People: Is it good to reflect on the past?

Lately I find myself reminiscing a lot about the past. I have been combing the internet for radio clips transmitted and recorded by my favorite radio station over 15 years ago. I have also reflected upon old friendships and memorable occasions (birthday parties, graduations, etc.) that have left an indelible imprint on my life.

You're probably wondering why in the world I would be searching for those radio clips. Well, one of the great things about music is that, like pictures, it takes you down memory lane and allows you to reflect upon what your life was like at the time -- who your friends were, which restaurants and movie theaters you frequented (and whether those venues are still in business today), how you dressed, and what your interests were.

Going back to the title of this post, reflecting is healthful so long as it is done in moderation and not through rose-colored glasses. Nostalgia makes us think of happier moments in the past, but we tend to block out the less pleasant images (e.g. tough breakups, parents going through divorce, deaths in the family, etc.).

When you feel the impulse to say "life sucks" and wonder why things couldn't be like they were in bygone days, you can temper that longing for the past by remembering that you likely went through trying moments back then as well.

We also have a tendency to reflect on the first time we ever did something -- whether it be our first trip to the barber shop or to the Grand Canyon, and no matter how positive or negative the experience was. Our "firsts" seem to remain embedded in our brains amid a flurry of otherwise mundane or unexciting events that transpire over the course of our lives. You might always remember the first time you went on a date, but it's unlikely you'll remember, say, the 15th date you experienced.

Again, going down memory lane every so often, whether via pictures or music, is fun and worthwhile. But you mustn't harp on the past and mentally cling onto old lovers or friends. Leaving the past behind and looking forward to new experiences is a fruitful exercise. The experiences of today are the memories of tomorrow.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually.  Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker.  Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar.  When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is  still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n

Misconceptions about quiet people

Earlier today, I came across a Facebook page that features motivational quotes intended to improve people's moods and enhance their overall self-esteem. Interestingly, I noticed two quotes that focus specifically on quiet people: "Be afraid of quiet people; they're the ones who actually think." "The quietest people have the loudest minds." I've observed that most people's views of quiet individuals can fall under one of two categories: 1. The ones who say quiet people are antisocial, suspicious, snobbish, and/or full of themselves. 2. The people who say their introspective nature and propensity to be deep in thought makes them smarter than their more garrulous peers. The quotes above speak to this mindset. As an introvert known to be quiet at work and at social functions where I might not know anyone, I feel I'm well positioned to dispel any inaccuracies surrounding quiet folks. First of all, the above statements misguidedly put