Last year, my best friend relocated to a city 5-6 hours away for a new job.
Thirteen months or so later, I am still feeling the void he created when he left.
We met during our first semester of college, when we were both enrolled in an Honors program that required students to maintain a high grade point average. Unfortunately, he fell below the required GPA after one semester and was kicked out of the program. Still, we managed to keep in touch and see each other every so often. In fact, we continued to meet up every Friday to play basketball (a tradition that started shortly after we met).
In 2005, both of us entered into relationships, and he married his now-wife the following year. As can be expected when friends get into relationships, we experienced a noticeable "cool off" period for a few years -- we would now go months without seeing each other in person and weeks without talking on the phone.
In 2009, my friend and his wife had a child, which seemed to have driven an even bigger wedge between us. It wasn't until 2011, once his daughter was a little older, that my buddy and I began rekindling the friendship flame. Suddenly we were making plans to hang out every two or so weeks, and it began to feel like we were reliving our college days.
In late 2012/ early 2013, our friendship took a nosedive. He became very distant from me and wouldn't explain why. It turns out that we went through an awkward phase in our friendship where we realized we were at different life stages and therefore enjoyed doing different things.
He had little interest in going to the movies and bowling with me (things people without kids do more often), and I wasn't keen on going to family-friendly amusement parks (things people with kids value more highly). I was beginning to see that the days of him and I having a "guys night" were long gone -- now he was bringing his wife and daughter along more frequently.
Just a few months after I had gotten engaged and made him my best man, our friendship was teetering on the edge of collapse. I couldn't believe I came that close to losing my closest friend -- the one I envisioned handing me the wedding bands and giving a toast on my big day.
After a long and emotional conversation one Saturday afternoon at a Subway restaurant, we managed to mend fences, and we seemingly picked up where we left off.
In August, my friend informed me that he was tired of his current position and was looking to transition into a different role within his company. Unfortunately, he couldn't find any such position where we live, so he decided to apply for a few positions the company had open in other cities within the state.
I knew what this meant -- that there was a good chance he'd be relocating. On the one hand, I was pulling for him because I knew growing professionally within his company meant a great deal to him. But my more selfish side was hoping those calls would go unanswered.
In the end, they offered him a position in an office situated roughly 6 hours away. It all happened so fast that I didn't even have the opportunity to spend a few hours with him at the park, let alone throw a farewell party for him.
When he left, I felt depressed for a couple of days, and he admitted he felt homesick for a while (sending him some heartfelt messages saying I'd miss him and will always treasure the fun times we had made him even sadder).
I was overjoyed when he came back to be here for my bachelor party and wedding. He delivered a beautiful toast that reassured me I had picked the right guy for the job and did well in fighting hard to keep our friendship alive after we hit that rough patch.
We keep in touch via Facebook and by phone a few times a week, which I know is better than nothing, bit it's not the same as having someone 10 minutes away. I have two other close friends I see on occasion, but they just don't fall in the same league as this friend. I miss our basketball sessions at the park, our silly conversations over lunch, our Saturday afternoons spent meandering at the mall.
I do plan to visit him sometime in the next few months.
So what should be your takeaway from this?
Never take your friends for granted. Make time every so often to see them, because the day may come when one of you will have to move. We can always endeavor to make new friends, but some of our friends -- especially those we've known for 5-10 years, aren't easy to replace.
And if you already find yourself in this situation, avail of all the technology available to keep in touch -- email, text, Facebook, phone, and the like. Though the friendship may never be the same again, that doesn't mean both parties can't stay connected and visit one another once or twice a year.
Thirteen months or so later, I am still feeling the void he created when he left.
We met during our first semester of college, when we were both enrolled in an Honors program that required students to maintain a high grade point average. Unfortunately, he fell below the required GPA after one semester and was kicked out of the program. Still, we managed to keep in touch and see each other every so often. In fact, we continued to meet up every Friday to play basketball (a tradition that started shortly after we met).
In 2005, both of us entered into relationships, and he married his now-wife the following year. As can be expected when friends get into relationships, we experienced a noticeable "cool off" period for a few years -- we would now go months without seeing each other in person and weeks without talking on the phone.
In 2009, my friend and his wife had a child, which seemed to have driven an even bigger wedge between us. It wasn't until 2011, once his daughter was a little older, that my buddy and I began rekindling the friendship flame. Suddenly we were making plans to hang out every two or so weeks, and it began to feel like we were reliving our college days.
In late 2012/ early 2013, our friendship took a nosedive. He became very distant from me and wouldn't explain why. It turns out that we went through an awkward phase in our friendship where we realized we were at different life stages and therefore enjoyed doing different things.
He had little interest in going to the movies and bowling with me (things people without kids do more often), and I wasn't keen on going to family-friendly amusement parks (things people with kids value more highly). I was beginning to see that the days of him and I having a "guys night" were long gone -- now he was bringing his wife and daughter along more frequently.
Just a few months after I had gotten engaged and made him my best man, our friendship was teetering on the edge of collapse. I couldn't believe I came that close to losing my closest friend -- the one I envisioned handing me the wedding bands and giving a toast on my big day.
After a long and emotional conversation one Saturday afternoon at a Subway restaurant, we managed to mend fences, and we seemingly picked up where we left off.
In August, my friend informed me that he was tired of his current position and was looking to transition into a different role within his company. Unfortunately, he couldn't find any such position where we live, so he decided to apply for a few positions the company had open in other cities within the state.
I knew what this meant -- that there was a good chance he'd be relocating. On the one hand, I was pulling for him because I knew growing professionally within his company meant a great deal to him. But my more selfish side was hoping those calls would go unanswered.
In the end, they offered him a position in an office situated roughly 6 hours away. It all happened so fast that I didn't even have the opportunity to spend a few hours with him at the park, let alone throw a farewell party for him.
When he left, I felt depressed for a couple of days, and he admitted he felt homesick for a while (sending him some heartfelt messages saying I'd miss him and will always treasure the fun times we had made him even sadder).
I was overjoyed when he came back to be here for my bachelor party and wedding. He delivered a beautiful toast that reassured me I had picked the right guy for the job and did well in fighting hard to keep our friendship alive after we hit that rough patch.
We keep in touch via Facebook and by phone a few times a week, which I know is better than nothing, bit it's not the same as having someone 10 minutes away. I have two other close friends I see on occasion, but they just don't fall in the same league as this friend. I miss our basketball sessions at the park, our silly conversations over lunch, our Saturday afternoons spent meandering at the mall.
I do plan to visit him sometime in the next few months.
So what should be your takeaway from this?
Never take your friends for granted. Make time every so often to see them, because the day may come when one of you will have to move. We can always endeavor to make new friends, but some of our friends -- especially those we've known for 5-10 years, aren't easy to replace.
And if you already find yourself in this situation, avail of all the technology available to keep in touch -- email, text, Facebook, phone, and the like. Though the friendship may never be the same again, that doesn't mean both parties can't stay connected and visit one another once or twice a year.
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