Friendships should be about give and take

Have you stopped a second to assess the friendships in your life?

Would you call them friendships where there is give and take, or are they mostly one-sided?

Do you only seem to hear from the person when he needs a favor, or does he sometimes call out of the blue just to see how you're doing?

I saw a video yesterday in which friends were challenged to guess what the other person sought to get out of the friendship. Some cited emotional support while others mentioned having someone with which to cultivate similar interests.

It's an interesting question to say the least -- one that I've never pondered myself: What are one's needs in a friendship?

Those needs, of course, are likely to shift over time. You may become friends with someone in your English class after pairing up for a project and continue being study buddies for the remainder of the semester. After the class ends, your needs are no longer about helping each other in an effort to get a good grade. Now you might suddenly become gym buddies, club hoppers, or go fishing together every other Friday. Then, when one of you enters another important stage in your life (marriage, children, house hunting), the other will be leaned upon for advice and support.

To be sure, this is a very simplistic example, but my point is that friendships evolve over time -- as do the needs of the people in them.

It's important to be cognizant of how much giving and taking there is in your friendship. If you are taking too much, you're at risk of being labeled a user. If you're giving too much, there's the potential for being taken advantage of.

Striking the right balance isn't easy, but when you and your friend are able to do so, it signals that the friendship is on firm ground.

Please share your experiences below!

Comments

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