Do single friends distance themselves from married ones, or vice-versa?

They say that many people who enter relationships or get married soon forget their friends exist.

If this the rule, I am most definitely the exception. I'm married now, but even when my now-wife and I were dating, we would extend invitations to close friends to go with us to the movies, restaurants, and other places of interest.

Even after being married for six months, I continue making an effort to schedule outings with friends. Ironically, some of them seem less interested in hanging out now that I'm married.

Wait a second. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? I thought married folks were the ones who suddenly became too busy for friends?

Well, it goes to show you that in the realm of friendships, nothing is that clear-cut. I've always made a conscious effort to reserve time in my schedule for my friends. But I sense that once you get married, single friends assume you're busier and are reluctant to "impose" by proposing an outing. They may be thinking that now it would require sign-off from the friend and the spouse, so they don't bother.

Some friends might also prefer to give you your space and seek different pursuits with other single friends. They are likely to assume that you're no longer interested in doing things you would do together before the wedding (go drinking, hit the gym, go on road trips, etc.)

If you sense your friend being aloof post- wedding, have a talk with him or her. Let your buddy know you can still carve out time in your schedule -- albeit not as much -- for the two of you to hang out. If your friend doesn't seem enthused, it's up to you to assess whether it's time to kiss the friendship goodbye.

Comments

No response from someone IS a response

Make no mistake about it: When you don't get a response from someone -- whether they fail to answer your texts or return your phone calls -- it is still a response, and a powerful one at that. When a person fails to respond, it's a direct reflection of their interest -- or lack thereof -- in the relationship. Few things are more aggravating than having to hound a partner, friend, or relative for some sort of reply after we've reached out to them. Yes, we get busy from time to time, but that doesn't give anyone the right to leave the other person hanging. A terse text with something like "Been busy, will reach out soon" doesn't say much, but at least it shows some effort to bring the other person up to speed on why they've fallen off the radar. Failing to provide a response for weeks -- if not months -- communicates that you are just not a priority, and that you'll have to wait your turn to get this individual's attention. This is n...

Do you have Isolophilia? Find out...

You're probably asking yourself, "What in the world does Isolophilia mean?" It sounds like it would be something negative, doesn't it? After all, words that end in "philia" (e.g., pedophilia) tend to involve things we want nothing to do with. But Isolophilia isn't something all people deplore. In fact, introverts like me welcome it. Put simply, Isolophilia is defined as having a strong affinity for solitude. It describes a person who relishes being alone. While extroverts can only take so much solitude, we introverts find that it rejuvenates us. In order to recharge our batteries, we need to retreat to a quiet environment where we we're left alone to rest and/or gather our thoughts. Extroverts, on the other hand, become bored and drained when they're alone for a lengthy period of time. Social interaction is the fuel that drives them. So while an extrovert would probably do anything to avoid feelings of Isolophilia in most cases, an...

This will spell the end of your relationship

When asked to think about the most common culprits for a relationship's going south, most people will point to cheating, complacency, and taking one's partner for granted. While these are all valid -- and documented in various posts on this blog -- there are certain habits on the part of partners that may not kill the relationship right away, but cause it to erode more gradually. Among the most egregious of these is expecting your significant other to be perfect. They pick at your follies any chance they get. Nothing you do is ever good enough. In fact, you will never measure up to an ex, neighbor, or accomplished co-worker. Perhaps this all sounds a bit familiar. When you feel as though you're constantly being put under the microscope, it can inflict lasting damage on the relationship and your self-esteem. You're walking on eggshells all the time, praying you don't say or do something that's going to trigger your partner. This is no way to live, let alone ca...

How To Understand People

Search This Blog