Toxic people: Here's how to handle them

Several readers have written to me asking me how they can deal with an unapologetically toxic individual in their life, whether it be an obnoxious boss or possessive partner.

They maintain that they've exhausted every option -- from speaking to them directly to seeking out counseling. 

When I suggest pulling the plug -- finding a new job, ending the relationship -- such a recommendation is met with stiff resistance:

"I'm too old to find a job, and things are bad out there. I might as well stay put."

"I don't want to go through the hassle of hitting the dating market again. Those days are behind me."

So, on the one hand, they're desperate to escape a toxic situation that is adversely impacting their quality of life, but on the other, they're offering up excuses as to why they shouldn't effect change?

Chalk it up to one phenomenon: fearing the unknown.

What is known to us, as lousy as it is, can seem less daunting than the unfamiliar. 

The problem is that these people are mired in a vicious cycle of airing their grievances and then doing nothing about it.

I can understand the hesitation to make a potentially life-changing move.

But what's worse: Being on unsteady ground for a little while and then potentially entering a far better situation than the one you're in, or sitting back, accepting the status quo, and wondering what could have happened if you'd taken action?

A creature of habit, I'm not the biggest risk taker myself. In fact, I'm usually quite averse to taking leaps of faith of this sort.

But I've come to realize that unless we take a chance every now and then, we can never realize our true potential, whether personally or professionally. 

And toxic folks are a pesky roadblock on the path to growth and success. 

For example, to get away from your overbearing boss without necessarily leaving the company, you might try to request a transfer to a different department, but he might block it, leaving you with no other choice but to sit put or bolt for good. 

Or, realizing your relationship has no hope, you might make the effort to stay as friends, but your girlfriend may assume an all-or-nothing posture, denying you that option. 

You have to follow your heart, your gut. If you know deep down that you don't have a future in that job or relationship, further tethering yourself to it will only keep you bitter and disgruntled. Is that any way to live?

Instead, go for broke, albeit in a sensible, methodical way.

Don't just leave your job cold turkey. Start looking and take the leap once you've got something else lined up. It's always easier to find a job while you have one. 

If you plan on calling a relationship quits, do not leave your partner in the lurch, much less cheat on them. Tell him or her that, given the tumult that has beset the relationship, you think it'd be best if you went your separate ways. 

Life is too short to surrender your happiness card to a boss or partner who does not recognize your value, address your concerns, or respect your boundaries. 

Put toxic people in their place when necessary. Rest assured you'll look back on the decision one day and be glad you stood up for yourself, putting your happiness first for a change. 

Need advice? Feel free to reach out to me directly on my How to Understand People Facebook page! Due to high demand, please allow 24-48 hours for a response.